How Andrew and Fergie Are Spending Christmas in Exile

At Sandringham House in Norfolk, where the royal family spends their Christmas, guests are weighed upon arrival and departure, as if they were livestock. This is their version of entertainment. The house is stocked with guns used to hunt birds, a reminder that this family is far from vulnerable. They pioneered the Christmas aesthetic, and during the period from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day, they dominate the news cycle.

“Christmas is always a major event for the monarchy,” an insider reveals. “It’s not about competing with EastEnders. It’s simply what we expect. And it's crucial they get it right.” Recent polling data shows that the monarchy's popularity among those under 34 is concerning, with 59% supporting an elected head of state.

Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson will not be present at this year's festivities. As Michael Corleone might say, it's not personal—it's just business. Following the Epstein scandal, allegations of espionage, and suspected financial misconduct, the royal family has isolated itself more than ever. A recent photograph showed Andrew lying across five women in the salon while Ghislaine Maxwell laughed. Domestic staff reportedly found sex toys left in guest rooms, but it's a royal rule: never upset the staff. One cannot embody the best of humanity if one's brother consorts with sex traffickers and spies, yet one still shares Christmas lunch with him without protest. The king knows this won't stop. The pressure group Republic is considering a private prosecution against Andrew, and the US Congress wants to question him. Andrew denies all the allegations.

Andrew missed the King's lunch at Buckingham Palace for the wider royal family last week, part of what the insider calls “the scorched earth policy.” I doubt he will attend again. Instead, he was photographed looking damp on a horse, possibly with palace involvement. His daughters, Beatrice and Eugenie, have been invited to Sandringham. In medieval times, the entire branch would have been removed, as hereditary monarchy requires a title from a titled parent. However, since Princess Diana's death, the family has become more sensitive to mental health concerns. Still, the insider notes, “We don’t yet know if they will go. They might feel entitled to stand with the wider family rather than their disgraced parents, and the King will be pleased to show kindness to his nieces.”

What will the once-Yorks do? Their biographer, Andrew Lownie, author of Entitled, believes they may attempt a final effort at Royal Lodge, their grand, dilapidated home in Windsor Great Park, now seized due to its excessive luxury. “They've got friends,” Lownie told Cosmopolitan. “There are long-standing friends who have stuck by them.”

Katie Nicholl, author of The New Royals, agrees. “I think there’s a high chance they will be at Royal Lodge for one final family Christmas.” However, the situation is not ideal. Nicholl adds, “Andrew is very low and struggling with the idea of moving out of Royal Lodge. His and Sarah’s relationship is strained for the first time. The girls have distanced themselves somewhat from their father. They will not be photographed with him and haven’t returned to Royal Lodge recently. They remain very close to their mother, and there’s a sense of being shellshocked within the family—this has been a tough year for them all.”

I believe the stories that Andrew, bewildered, is watching more television than usual with the 72 teddy bears who never judge him. However, I trust in Ferguson’s energy and ability to reinvent herself. For years, she lived in a cottage at Sandringham while the rest of the family dined at the main house. Humiliation is nothing new to her; this is a woman who once panic-bought a suckling pig. A royal watcher suggests that rather than a diminished Christmas at Royal Lodge, it might be a final celebration. “I imagine her [Ferguson] with 27 stockings for each of the girls and 100 teddy bears,” she says. She speculates that the guests could include, “at least one psychic. I think they'll find a junior sheikh, who will be very confused. There’ll also be a businessman trying desperately to stabilize Andrew’s affairs so they can afford a single house.”

It's possible that, in the long term, Andrew might flee to a Gulf state and reinvent himself as ‘sandy Andy.’ He has always had a fondness for the region, and aesthetically, it suits him. He’s the kind of man who might ski in a vast fridge or live in the penthouse of the world’s tallest building and still feel small. But if Andrew is very foolish—if he were a foreign agent, he wouldn’t even know it—he does have advisors who aren’t foolish. They will tell him to do what his brother asks: sit on a horse in the rain, for instance, as evidence that he is not at a Christmas lunch in London.

Experts think this may be a last gasp at Royal Lodge, though a party is not the sanest option. Yet, royalty and sanity rarely coexist, and ignoring that truth despite overwhelming evidence is a contortion we cherish. The family will do much to protect that illusion. Next year, the once-prince will move into Marsh Farm near Sandringham. It’s a desolate place even for Norfolk, like the murder site in a detective novel. The gardens overlook a bog, of all things, and there's a message there for us. It’s not quite The Man in the Iron Mask. But it's getting there.